I’d imagine that everyone has seen those signs at several locations that state: WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR LOST OR STOLEN ITEMS. I attempted to find a picture of one such a sign, but failed.
Anyhow… The story is this:
I have had to take my car into the Jeep dealership to be fixed about SIX TIMES in the past MONTH. Not only is this ridiculous, but it’s a gigantic chunk of change that I don’t have. In my head, they should tell me everything that’s wrong with the car, then I can cough up the cash, and get it fixed in one fell swoop. Needless to say, Jeep does not believe in this same theory. Not to mention that I am already dying to get rid of this hunk of metal that guzzles gallon after gallon of gas, for an old Jag that is magically converted into biodiesel; but, alas – money stops me there, too. Something like this would work just fine. Whoever can work that out….lemme know.
Back to the story.
So, it’s the sixth time that my car is screeching at me to take it in to the dealership, and coolant is leaking everywhere I go. Even the parking attendants at my work are annoyed with me because “some green gooey liquid is spilling everywhere.” They already hate me because I am apparently the only person who leaves during the day to get the HELL out of the office, so – they have to help to get my (leaking) car out of the sardine packed garage.
I stray again.
Casey tells me that he will loan me his car. Probably more so that he will be able to drive his Monte Carlo and look like an American badass, but, at least he’s trying to help out.
After some downright amazing massages, I end up chilling with Jessica in Beverly Hills to have my car towed to the Jeep dealership. On a Sunday night. This is the first place where I didn’t have my best judgment.
I call AAA and put in a request to have my car towed. They tell me that the dude will arrive in about 45 – 55 minutes. Jessica decides to take a quick shower pre drive to the dealership, and then to Casey’s.
About two minutes in I get a call that the driver “has arrived.”
FUCK.
I run down the enormous driveway to tell the AAA dude that we were expecting him in an hour and my friend isn’t ready.
He gives me the worst look of disdain I have ever seen and tells me that I have 5 minutes, 10 MAX!!!
(Jesus, you’re a dick.)
I speed upstairs, pull Jess out of the shower, and tell her that the guy is downstairs already, and is telling me that we have to leave NOW.
Jessie gets it together, and as we are pulling her car down the driveway, we see that the dude hasn’t even finished loading my car onto the flatbed.
(You have to be fucking kidding me. I’m glad we rushed.)
I get out of the car, and tell him that I need to get my parking pass and a necklace out of my car that is hanging on my rearview mirror.
He says that he “cannot allow that.”
I can’t deal with him, anymore, so...I get back into Jess’s car, and we wait for him to finish loading the monster onto his truck.
THEN he proceeds to back down Tower Road with this HUMONGOUS flatbed truck WITH another SUV on TOP of it.
Tower Road is an extremely curvy, narrow street in the hills of Beverly Hills; this dude must be on crack. There’s no other explanation.
We arrive at La Brea Jeep and there is a car blocking the driveway to where I would have to leave my car.
I see that the AAA dude is lowering my car to leave it on the street.
I stop him and ask him what the hell he is doing – seeing as there is a sign on the street that says NO PARKING FROM 7AM TO 1OAM.
Does he think I’m gonna come back at 6:30 in the morning to move my car that is probably about to blow up? I don’t think so.
He then tells me, after yelling at me and calling someone, probably a hooker, on his cell phone, that he’ll have to take my car to their lot to store over night.
I say that that’s fine.
He says that it will cost me extra, and that I have to pay up front.
I say, “Fine. Whatever. Let’s just get this over with.”
(Meanwhile, by the way, Jessica is rocking out in her car to some new music phenomenon that she has discovered in the back of her old, beat up Eddie Bauer.)
AAA man finally says that it’s over 100 bucks, and that they only take cash or check.
Where I say: “Sir, I don’t carry that kind of cash on me all the time, and I certainly don’t carry checks. Welcome to 2008.”
He calls back whoever he was speaking to previously, comes over to me with some sort of a receipt and lectures me that I “BETTER call and pay in the morning.”
My response? “You picked me up in BEVERLY HILLS, ya jerk. I don’t think you’ll have to worry about me paying you. It’ll happen.”
I sign, and leave the poisonous territory.
The next morning I call the towing company, where they try and charge me upwards of $300 for storing my car over night. I tell them that I am holding a receipt for $100, and that that is all I will be paying.
The dude on the phone says that’s fine, and will have my car towed immediately.
I don’t mention how rude the employee who picked me up was; I can be a nice person…I figure this is the last I’ll have to deal with them.
Moving forward….
After waiting hours to see if the dealership has received my car, I call them up to see if they know anything about anything.
(Also a naïve thought on my part.)
The woman helping me tells me that they did receive my car, and that they will get back to me when they have an estimate.
I tell her that there is no way in hell I am paying a single cent on them fixing what should already be fixed in my car.
She doesn’t really like that response, but agrees with me.
I get a call from her later that evening, informing me that they are still inspecting my car to assess all of the damage.
Great. Sure ya are. i.e., you haven’t really started looking into it.
The next day.
They will be replacing my radiator at no charge.
I don’t even know if that’s what it really needs, but at this point I am so fed up with everyone I have had to deal with in the last day or two, that I just tell them to go ahead.
My car is finally finished and ready to pick up.
BUT….
She wants to inform me that my water pump does need some fixing so I should look into that next time I drop my car off.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
a) I’m never bringing my car here again.
b) I told you to fix everything that needed fixing.
c) The insane people in your sales department actually attempted to SELL me another Jeep when they heard that mine had had so many repairs.
You people are all out of your god damn minds.
Annnnywayyy…..
My boss tells me that we will drive Casey’s car to the dealer, pick up my car, and then drive his car to Burbank to drop it off for him…after all, we’d get to miss a hell of a lot of “work” time, so….I’m down.
We pick my Jeep up, I am happy, and we cruise along.
I notice that there is something different about my car but I can’t place it.
I see that my parking pass which was previously on my rearview is now moved to the dashboard, and a bunch of other crap has been slid around the car.
I can’t place anything else at the time, so, I drive and forget about it.
Now, the thick of it:
Driving to work this morning, I remember to put the parking pass on my rearview and realize that MY MOTHERFUCKING NECKLACE IS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh no, they did NOT steal my necklace.
I first look around my car to make sure it isn’t there.
Which, of course, it is not.
I get to work and put in a call to La Brea Jeep. They tell me they will look into it and get back to me.
Great. I know what that means.
I then call the towing company and inquire about it with them.
Now THIS dude is being a prick to me and tells me that that is a pretty outlandish threat that I am saying that one of their employees stole my necklace.
I say to him that I am not saying that they definitely stole it, but it’s quite curious that it is missing all of a sudden, and I can tell that other things have been moved around in my car. I’m not an idiot.
He keeps yelling at me, so then I tell him that I wasn't going to say anything, and didn’t at first, but his employee was an absolute CUNT to me, and was rude to me the entire time he was “helping” with my car.
This guy I am talking with then says, “Was it valuable?”
I say that that is not really here nor there, and that it has plenty of sentimental value and I won’t be able to find it anywhere else.
He then says, “I don’t know what anyone would want with a trinket that doesn’t even cost a lot of money.”
I said, “DO YOU KNOW WHAT SENTIMENTAL VALUE MEANS???????????”
Why are people so stupid?
I give up with him, and call the Jeep dealer to see if they have anything more to say.
The woman tells me that she asked everyone who was in contact with my car if they recall a necklace or anything hanging from the rearview mirror – which they, of course, say no to.
She then proceeds to say, “You know, I don’t know if you’ve ever dropped your car off here personally, “
(Umm, I’ve been coming to you guys for over 5 years, so I’d say, yeah, I’ve dropped it off myself.)
She goes on, “but, we have a sign here that states: We are not responsible for any lost or stolen items.”
I tell her how convenient that is for them, so that they can go into anyone’s vehicle and take whatever they’d like and just point to that sign.
That’s real nice.
Therefore, I’ve come to this conclusion:
I’m going to get one of those signs made, and then I’m going to go into some high end store, or CAR DEALERSHIP, steal some shit, run out, and when they come to arrest me, I’m just gonna hold up that sign and say:
“Sorry. I really can’t help you out. I have this sign here.”
Fucking motherfuckers.
Give me my necklace back.
////////
an unfortunate, but also, wonderful update:
Casey has just informed me that he saw the necklace underneath the passenger seat of my car.
Shit.
Guess i should try and reel in that anger from time to time.
HA.
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