+ she has brown hair and brown eyes +

i've come to the conclusion that my greatest hurdle in life is being true. to me.
acting the way i want to act.
saying the things i want to say.
smiling at who i want.
and cursing the others.

for years i let anyone say and do and think whatever they wanted about me.
i guess i was too scared to fight back in some way.
but, when i think about it more -- i was too scared to fight myself.

i saved myself with starvation.
i'll never forget the whisk of my hand:
these hips. they protrude like arrows.
as my belly, it rests a concave bowl. never being filled.

i prepared for death like it was my life.
and exiled all those around me.
i thought i was left with nothing.
i was wrong.
i finally had everything.
i had it all to scrape away and build anew.

there's debate over how long that was.
the slow suicide.
i know the facts.
and that's all that matters.

it isn't about being proud i went through all of it.
it isn't about knowing i can push the limits to where most can't.
it's about the other side.
it's seeing the same eyes look back.
with the same body.
and the same thoughts.
countered.

///////