+ i just want something better +

when i was around 6 years old
i remember my parents
taking us girls to
"santa's village".

a town where
christmas existed
all through the night.
but i was so confused,
because my dad
had spent countless hours
hammering into
my head
that i was
a jew.

i daydreamed
while i was there
about going up to
each of the other kids
and escaping the fact
that santa wasn't real.
it was just a
fat, old man
in an ugly suit.

i wanted to believe in something better.
i wanted to have a child's mind
inside of a child's heart.
instead i got the soul
of a 63 year old woman,
cautious of her coin purse,
and taking no real risks.

what a shame.