+ yup +

i win.

+ i'm not even political +

and i'm doing my best to get out of america.
but...
when something strikes, it's undeniable.

watch.

+ my little lovers +

A lacrymal tincture washes
The cabbage-green skies:
Under the drooling tree with tender shoots,
Your raincoats

White with special moons
With round eyes
Knock together your kneecaps
My ugly ones!

We loved one another at that time,
Blue ugly one!
We ate soft boiled eggs
And chickweed!

One evening you consecrated me poet,
Blond ugly one:
Come down here, that I can whip you
On my lap;

I vomited your brilliantine,
Black ugly one;
You would cut off my mandolin
On the edge of my brow

Bah! my dried saliva,
Red-headed ugly one
Still infects the trenches
Of your round breast!

O my little lovers,
How I hate you!
Plaster with painful blisters
Your ugly tits!

Trample on my old pots
Of sentiment;
—Up now! be ballerinas for me
For one moment!…

Your shoulder blades are out of joint,
O my loves!
A star on your limping backs,
Turn with your turns!

And yet it is for these mutton shoulders
That I have made rhymes!
I would like to break your hips
For having loved!

Insipid pile of stars that have failed,
Fill the corners!
—You will collapse in God, saddled
With ignoble cares!

Under special moons
With round eyes,
Knock together your kneecaps,
My ugly ones!

+ c'est le soleil +

I wanna break you open and eat the tiny parts of you that are rotting in your mind.
You’re such a little monster.
Let me kidnap the daybreak and put its light in your eyes.
The sunshine will kill you, but your soul will haunt those who detest it.
Inescapable advances leave my toes dangling over the edge.
Yet,
I bring them back over.
I always manage to bring them back.

+ i'm a one woman show! +

lately i've been telling certain people that i am a one woman show.
i've always laughed at my own jokes -- i'm not gonna lie -- i think i can be pretty damn funny sometimes.
but, maybe i'm laughing because no one else is.
aww.

i also think mcsweeney's is awesome.
and wonderful.
and fantastic.

from time to time i go to their little website to check on the status of brian beatty's joke section.
after awhile, i started saving some that i enjoyed.

i figured i should maybe post them here.
just in case i want to look back in a year or so, and realize how amazingly cool i am for keeping them.
so i won't be the only one making myself chuckle.

here they are:

LIKE MAGIC.
Everything about every woman I've ever dated has been like magic: fake and boring.

YES MAN.
The worst job I ever had was answering phones on a suicide-prevention hotline. I found out right away that I'm not good at telling people no.

NOT BRIGHT.
My goal in life is to be like a ray of sunshine—so radioactive that I kill idiots who get too close.

UNCLASSIFIED.
Lots of couples meet through the personal ads. I think there should be impersonal ads for people who want to end existing relationships. The reading would be so much more interesting.

AIR CONDITIONING.
People who hang out in those New Age oxygen bars are called airheads for a reason. I snuck in a flask of hydrogen and sat there all night mixing shots of water.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
ANONYMOUS.
I'm founding a 12-step program for people who drink until they forget their names.

MY METHOD.
Every job is an acting job if you're expected to act like you give a shit.


don't even try to tell me those weren't funny.

+ in tribute +

not to follow the waves and lemmings and other non-thinkers,
(and i don't necessarily think that this totally fits into that category)
BUT....
i can't believe that i haven't, in this lifetime, made it around to seeing RADIOHEAD live.
until this past weekend.
and again tonight.
so, i think i need to take a moment to gather some visuals for myself in preparation to be floored one more time:

2+2=5


you and whose army


karma police


no surprises

+ all my thoughts return +

your strange imagination.
you threw it all away.