+ Pages of Gold +

"Hadn't I once a youth that was lovely, heroic, fabulous, something to write down on pages of gold?"



OH LORD,
LET ME GET DRUNK
WITH MUSIC
NOT BECAUSE IT IS A JOY,
BUT IT IS
A WAY
TO BE ALIVE
IN THE MIDST
OF ALL
THE PAIN.

+ Banksy On This Existence I Was Born Into +

"America's capacity to be infuriating is matched only by its capacity to reinvent itself into something brilliant."

+ never never comes +

i wonder when the day will come when i won't even want to think of you anymore.

i am
SO
tired
of you
in
my
head.

+ after all the sin we've had +

i've seen love make a fool of more than a man.

dear one, i want to play piano for you.
and i'll never be able to erase the moment you said,

"sleep well, sweetheart."

and how your eyes looked at me
the way that they did,
as the door closed,
slow enough for your smile
to stay with me until it clicked shut.

it's the woman in me that makes me want to play this game.

+ "Treachery is Beautiful if it Makes Us Sing" +

+ OMEGA +

"The Earth should be regarded as the womb of life -- but one cannot remain in the womb forever."

+ Frank Tipler "The Physics of Immortality" +

+ Sabbra Cadabra +

+ fantasies +

someday
on these keys
the love
will melt
and bring forth
pure
joy.

+ + + + + + + +

remembrance // balmorhea // all is wild, all is silent from jared hogan on Vimeo.

and, this...
just another
dream.

+ there was nothing left +

...And
We were afraid
Then
That
All throughout our lives
Things like that
Would happen,
That nobody
Wanted
Anybody
To be
Strong, and
Beautiful
Like that,
That
Others would never
Allow it,
And that
Many people
Would have to
Die.

+ "Standing by herself on the air." +

"I saw Margaret climbing an apple tree beside her shack. She was crying and had a scarf knotted around her neck. She took the loose end of the scarf and tied it to a branch covered with young apples. She stepped off the branch and then she was standing by herself on the air."

+ + + + + +

Richard Brautigan, "In Watermelon Sugar"

+ born into this.... +

Born like this
Into this
As the chalk faces smile
As Mrs. Death laughs
As the elevators break
As political landscapes dissolve
As the supermarket bag boy holds a college degree
As the oily fish spit out their oily prey
As the sun is masked
We are
Born like this
Into this
Into these carefully mad wars
Into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness
Into bars where people no longer speak to each other
Into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings
Born into this
Into hospitals which are so expensive that it's cheaper to die
Into lawyers who charge so much it's cheaper to plead guilty
Into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed
Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes
Born into this
Walking and living through this
Dying because of this
Muted because of this
Castrated
Debauched
Disinherited
Because of this
Fooled by this
Used by this
Pissed on by this
Made crazy and sick by this
Made violent
Made inhuman
By this
The heart is blackened
The fingers reach for the throat
The gun
The knife
The bomb
The fingers reach toward an unresponsive god
The fingers reach for the bottle
The pill
The powder
We are born into this sorrowful deadliness
We are born into a government 60 years in debt
That soon will be unable to even pay the interest on that debt
And the banks will burn
Money will be useless
There will be open and unpunished murder in the streets
It will be guns and roving mobs
Land will be useless
Food will become a diminishing return
Nuclear power will be taken over by the many
Explosions will continually shake the earth
Radiated robot men will stalk each other
The rich and the chosen will watch from space platforms
Dante's Inferno will be made to look like a children's playground
The sun will not be seen and it will always be night
Trees will die
All vegetation will die
Radiated men will eat the flesh of radiated men
The sea will be poisoned
The lakes and rivers will vanish
Rain will be the new gold
The rotting bodies of men and animals will stink in the dark wind
The last few survivors will be overtaken by new and hideous diseases
And the space platforms will be destroyed by attrition
The petering out of supplies
The natural effect of general decay
And there will be the most beautiful silence never heard
Born out of that.
The sun still hidden there
Awaiting the next chapter.

+ + + + + + + + +

Charles Bukowski, "Dinosauria, We"

+ i wish i were with you +

+ i'm in need of passion +

please help.

+ "in another life, when we are both cats" +

my story is thick,
and it is rich.
there have been loves lasted
and loves lost.
but, in the end
all there ever
is and was and will be is

myself.

i was dreaming of the past
and it had been so long
since i had seen you
smile.

the words,
they are here.
they are
swelling.
they are
pulsing.
they are
beating themselves
out of
me.
missiles of molten
stories,
layered like cakes
of lamb light sugar
swept up
and down again.

there is
always
a future.

even after i have
felt
my last lives
smoke their ways
out of my open nostrils.
devils come to
take the
little girl
away!

i have
seen
the afterlife.
i'm telling you,
i
saw
it.

and my days to follow were never so gloomy.
and OH,
you should see the smile on my face.

+ + + + + +

i am listening to:

St Apollonia - Beirut

Jealous Guy - Stevie Wonder

Rabid Bits Of Time - Chad VanGaalen

+ sea of tears +

i love it when i copy down lyrics from the radio, save them in my phone, and look them up MONTHS later to discover that i've been missing out on such fucking beautiful music.

+ When You're Strange +

+ it's time to begin a new chapter +

all i have
is myself.

i need to
count on
me
more often.

it's time.
it's
time.
time.
time.

+ + + + + + + + + +

“You need not leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. You need not even listen, simply wait. You need not even wait, just learn to become quiet, and still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”

Franz Kafka

+ FIREWORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! +

Now it's day and I've been trying to get that taste off my tongue
I was dreaming of just you, now our cereal, it is warm
Attractive day in the rubble of the night from before
Now I can't walk in a vacuum, I feel ugly, feel my pores
It's the trees of this day that I do battle with for the light
Then I start to feel tragic, people greet me, I'm polite
"What's the day?" "Whats you doing?"
"How's your mood?" "How's that song?"
Man it passes right by me, it's behind me, now it's gone
And I can't lift you up cause my mind is tired
It's family beaches that I desire
A sacred night, where we'll watch the fireworks
The frightened babies poo
They've got two flashing eyes and they're colored why
They make me feel that I'm only all I see sometimes

I've been eating with a good friend who said
"A Genii made me out of the earth's skin"
But in spite of her she is my birth kin, she spits me out in her surly blood rivers
All the people life lurking in dominions of a hot Turk dish
If the elephants be reaching for our purses, then meet me after the world with the shivers

"What's the day?" "Whats you doing?"
"How's your food?" "How's that song?"
Man it passes right by me it's behind me, now it's gone
I can't lift you up cause my mind is tired, it's family beaches that I desire
That sacred night where we watched the fireworks
They frightened the babies and you know they've got two flashing eyes
And if they are color blind, they make me feel, that you're only what I see sometimes

+ i'm just the same as everyone else +

+ + + + + + + +

i'm also quite pleasantly surprised with this...

Fanfarlo & First Aid Kit - This Is The Way (Devendra Banhart) from RADAR MAKER on Vimeo.

+ white lips kissed +

I won't cry when the silver lining shows/
But you're right/
You understand/
You ride with both hands/
Worrying is the breathing that you need/
So there won't be far to fall/
You mustn't climb tall/